It may be kinda weird, but my funeral has come up in conversation a couple times, and I just wanted to put it into writing in case something catastrophic happened, and I had to leave this worldly body and move on to the next stage of existence. Before I list my dying wishes, I want everyone to know that I love life and all the people in it, and if I am a ghost, I will do anything I can to do cool ghost stuff, and help you guys out. Like, when I open all the cabinets in your house, it won't be scary, it'll just be when you're looking for something and it will have a productive purpose. And if the Buddhists turn out to be right, I hope I see you all in the next life, as futuristic revolutionaries fighting against Big Brother and his oppressive thought police. And if the Christians turn out to be right, I'll see you all in Hell.
-I wish to be cremated, not buried. And my ashes will be put in something that is not an urn. The coffee can deal in the Big Lebowski was not only funny, but I completely agree with Walter Sobchak. An urn is a way to take advantage of people in mourning and make way more money on those things than they're worth. So in short, put my remains in a shoebox or coffee can or something of the like.
-I wish to be scattered in a couple places. A little bit in Rancho San Diego, on top of a hill would be cool. It's my hometown and I will always love it. A little bit at a beach because I just like the beach. And a little bit at some place really pretty. I'm not picky, just pick a place that's really nice and you guys would think I would like my burned up body to blow into.
-At my funeral, I want my eulogy to be given by anyone who wants to say something. I don't want just one person to have the pressure of giving my eulogy. Also, I want the ceremony to be short. Once it looks like everyone is there, just start the thing and make it quick. For the last part of the ceremony, I want "Trill Niggas Don't Die," by UGK, to be performed by a really big choir. And a full band.
-Once everyone leaves my funeral, my wake will have an open bar and it will be a party. And I want everyone to go and have a good time, don't just go home and sulk about how you're gonna miss me. I would try my damnedest to do the same for you guys.
-All of my possessions will be up for grabs, just take whatever you guys want. And give my PS3 to charity.
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