Watched Two Movies Last Night Worth Blogging About

I had the great pleasure of watching two movies last night at my friend Grant Glibert's house, while drinking a little franzia and a lot of MGD 64. MGD 64, by the way, is pointless to drink. I drank just as many calories of that beer as I would have drunk with a non-pussy beer because it's literally like hops-flavored water. Anyway. The first movie we watched was called Equilibrium, starring Christian Bale. It's a futuristic story where all the world governments want to stop war from happening after WWIII devastated the planet. To stop war from happening, they mandate that everyone has to take a medication that doesn't allow them to have any feelings whatsoever, so they won't feel angry enough to fight anyone, so there won't ever be another war. But to do this, they kill everyone that doesn't take their medication. So it's like the War on Terror, it's just a War on Feelings. This movie was definitely laughable at times, Christian Bale was kinda weird. But to be honest, it had really badass fighting scenes. They were all trained in gun-martial arts. That's right karate with guns. Watch it and tell me it isn't cool. The thing that was thought provoking, though, was how pointless life would be without being able to feel. It seems like I might not ever think about it because I doubt that my ability to feel emotions will ever be compromised. But the movie actually made me feel appreciative of feelings, so bravo, Equilibrium.
After being pleasantly surprised with Equilibrium, we watched Drag Me To Hell, starring some girl and Justin Long. This was literally the worst movie I've ever seen. Sam Raimi directed it. I was amazed at how disgustingly terrible this movie was. It's about a curse that's put on a bank teller, Christine, the main character, because she won't give this old lady, Miss Ganush, an extension on her loan for the third fucking time. Miss Ganush doesn't have any rational thought about the bank having to run a business, that she should find a way to pay her mortgage, or find somewhere else to live. She just wants her house, and if no one can just give her what she wants, she's going to haunt this bank teller and pull her hair out and throw up various things in her face. More on that later.
Ganush makes a huge scene in the bank when she doesn't get the extension, putting a curse on Christine very noisily and then lunging at her trying to choke her. Then she feels ashamed, and blames it on Christine. Later, Ganush follows Christine to her car in the parking garage and tries to kill her. At one point Ganush's dentures fall out, but she still tries to bite Christine's mouth. Yeah, bite her mouth. Super awkward way of killing someone. While she's gumming at Christine's face, she like burps up a huge gob of green shit into Christine's face. Christine is trying to smash her car into something and make Ganush go flying out, which kind of works. At that point Ganush gets sick of trying to kill her for the time being and goes away.
I could go on and on, but there are two more scenes at least where Ganush gets her mouth on Christine's face and throws some body fluids up on her. Both of these times Ganush was dead. Now that I think of it, there was a third time, but it was only a dream, and Ganush throws up worms and body fluid into Christine's face. Fucking retarded.
I'll try and sum up the rest of the movie quickly. Christine digs up Ganush's grave to give her a button that is carrying the actual curse on Christine. Ganush throws up in her face, there's a flash flood and the grave fills up with water. Christine almost drowns because Ganush's grave falls and hits her on the head. Luckily, she gets out OK though and goes home and hits the shower. Christine is on the way to the train station with her boyfriend, Justin Long, who is going to propose to her. Long story short, Christine gave Ganush the wrong white envelope, it had her boyfriend's valuable collectible quarter in it instead of the cursed button. When Christine finds this out, she trips out, falls onto the train tracks where a train is about to hit her, but is sucked into Hell before the train hits her. Justin Long is without a fiancee AND his valuable collectible quarter. The movie ends here, but I forgot to mention that Christine used to be a fat pig farmer, her dad died a while back and her mom doesn't talk to people because she's an alcoholic.
I am so glad I never paid to see this movie, I would literally drag Sam Raimi into Hell with me.